LLD101

[Mr.Snuggles]

lol that reminds me of one

A man walks into a drug store with his son and as they are walking towards the back when his son asks "Why is there a 3 pack of condoms, a 6 pack and a 12 pack?"

"Well" his father says, "The 3 pack is for teenagers, once on Friday, once Saturday, and once Sunday"

"Well how about the 6 pack?" his son asks. "Those are for collage students, twice on Friday, twice on Saturday, and twice on Sunday" his father replies."

"Wow" his son says. "Well what about the 12 pack?" "Well those are for married people" he says to his son. "Like you and mommy right?" "Yes son, its a twelve pack for married people like me, Once in January, Once in February..."

[Captain Crunch]

[Will]

Rabit and a Bear are walking in the forest when they fall upon a magic lamp and out pops a Genie.

The Genie says I'll grand you 3 Wishes each so the bear goes first....

So the bear says: "As a first wish.....I wish ALL the bears in the forest were female!"

The Rabit thinks for a moment and says: "for My first Wish i want a cool motercycling helmet!"

"ever better!" exclaimes the bear, "I wish ALL the Bears in this County were female!

"For my second wish" states the rabit "I wish i had a high performance motor cycle"

"oh oh oh, even better" gleefully exclaims the bear: "as my final wish I wish ALL the bears on the planet were female!"

So the Rabbit looks at the bear....Looks at the Genie and says "I WISH THE BEAR WAS GAY!" and speeds off on his motor bike

[Tridge]

[Jester of Hell]

When you get your wife mad, she nags you...

When you get your wife even madder, she gives you the silent treatment...














....Isn't it worth the extra effort?




thought this one was pretty funny

[Don Vito]

Rich Guys throwin a party for all his high society friends, asks his poor ass groundskeeper Leroy to come. Leroy is hangin out, not fittin in, when all of a sudden the rich guy drives a dumptruck in the back yard and dumps a 20ft. gator in the pool and says.........."whoever kicks the hell out this alligator, ill give em a million dollars"...............everyone looks at each other for a sec, and all of a sudden Leroys in the pool, kicken the shit out of this gator. Kickin and bite'n and rollin.........leroy climbs out of the pool, gators dead. Rich guy says "damn leroy!!! how u want your million? cash, bonds, gold? What? Leroy says "I dont want it!" Guy says"what do u want Leroy?" Leroy says "I want that asshole that pushed me in the Pool!"

[ThatGuy]

There's this woman who comes to see this local doctor.

"Doctor, you've got to help me. I'm having this extreme problem with farting. I just can't make it stop! The thing is, they don't smell and you can't hear them at all. Why, in fact, I've farted 6 times since I've been here!"

The doctor says,"Here, take these pills, one during each meal, for seven days. Then come see me again."

7 days later, the woman comes back. "What kind of doctor are you!?! The medecin you prescribed to me was terrible! I'm still farting a lot, but now they smell worse than ever!"

The doctor replies,"Good. Now that we've taken care of your sinuses, let's see what we can do about your hearing..."

Classic.

[jdb-lld]

3 men r ina a bar celebrating one of their birthdays. they have been friends since they were little, and have an anual thing of making the birthday "boy" do sumtin. they get into a little huddle and began discussing wut they want Larry to do. they finally decide, and he walks over to the bartender. Larry tells the bartender i bet u $100 i can take a shot glass and piss into it from 7 feet away, and not spill a drop. note: Larry is drunk out of his fucking mind. So, the bartender says, "dood u r drunk outta your mind, u wont make it." Larry insists he can, he puts the shot glass on the counter, gets up on the counter, 7 feet away, and begins pissing, like the bartender thought, Larry pisses everywhere, on the counter, on the beer, everywhere. The bartender laughs and says, "Hahaha hand over the money bucko." Larry pulls out a crisp $100 and gives it 2 him, but snickers as he does. The bartender asks y he is laughing, for he just lost $100 dollars. Larry replies, "I bet those guys $500 i could piss all over your counter!''

[xX_marie_Xx]

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

[T_Maldo]

_____________________________________________________________

Joke 1:

Five people were taking a plain to Nowheresville,
1. The worlds smartest man
2. The president
3. A janitor
4. The pilot
5. A little girlscout

The plane gets caught on fire and everyone in the plane panics.
(There are only four parachutes)
The president says: Well, sorry guys, i gotta bail because im running late for my speech. So he takes a parachute and leaves
The pilot says: Well, im needed elsewhere, so long folks. So he takes a parachute and leaves.
The worlds smartest man says: well, since im smarter than you two, ill take one. So he hops off the plane.
The janitor screams: What are we gonna do?!? theres only one parachute left!
And, quietly, the little girl says: No, theres two, the worlds smartest man was SMART enough to jump off with my backpack

More jokes later guys.

[StephysBoy24]

This guy was playing golf for the first time with his friend.

His first drive goes strait into a patch of pussiewillows. The guy finds his ball and takes 3 shots to get out. Manages to get a tripple bogey.

The next hole he hits his ball strait into a patch of butter cups. He takes 5 minutes to find his ball and stumbles across a fairy.

"I am the butter fairy, and from now on you can have ALL the butter you want, whenever you want!"

His responce was: "Where were you when I was in the Pussiewillows??