LLD101

Vixen · Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 7:07 pm Post subject:

Chuck Norris is going to absorb the souls of all you blasphemers.

DELTA FORCE 2 IS MY BIBLE

DiPLOMAT · Joined: 11 Oct 2005 Posts: 1644 12.37 Silvarrr

R O F L

heres more

-Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

-If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris

-Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

-Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure

-When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women

-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean

-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants

-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

-Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris

-Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard

-Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

-Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent

-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month

-Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away

-chuck norris does not sleep.. he waits

-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

-There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris

-Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway

-The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs

-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist

-It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart

-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull

-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death

-On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over

-Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris

-Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn

-A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly

-Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

-Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

-If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

-Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never

-Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

-Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

if this is to long, for the moderators, please dont lock, just let me kno and i will erase alot of em

Vixen · Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 7:38 pm Post subject:

Yeah, and when he does he's just going to get bigger and bigger until a little Chuck Norris will grow on his side and eventually bud off.

ATOMICMAN · Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 8:19 pm Post subject:

the fastest way to a mans heart is with chuck norris' fist.

when chuck norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

chuck norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths

B[x] · Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 11:02 pm Post subject:

My favorite is:

The boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Knarl · Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 11:20 pm Post subject:

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Chuck Norris does not have pubic hair, he has a groin beard.

http://www.4q.cc/index.php?pid=top100&person=chuck

ExPiReD · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 5:27 am Post subject:

Amazing to see how many people think these jokes are actually funny...
Why not try to create some of your own instead or C/P'ing every repeated joke in the world, and then you'll have my respect -___-

untill then.. Forrest Gump is the new "Chuck Norris"..
and its funny how Chuck Norris thinks these jokes are bringing back his career, when IRL every1 is coming to hate him more.

Big waste of time, effort, and lack of knowledge.

Anyways, heres a repeat since im already here -___-..

Chuck Norris once built a time machine to travel back and save JFK. Upon arriving he deflected all 3 bullets with his beard, shortly after.. JFK's head exploded from sheer amazement.

-Nate

breakbeatz2 · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 5:27 am Post subject:

Chuck Norris once ran out of alcohol, and tried drinking gasoline instead. He found it so delicious he singlehandedly caused the gas shortage of 1974.

A lot of people find the word midget to be offensive; Chuck Norris doesn't care what you call them as long as they are not over-cooked and come with a side of cole slaw.

Chuck Norris is actually five men, all of whom share the same soul. If any one of them ever comes face to face with another, they are required by the laws of fate to totally rock the fuck out. The last time this cosmic event occurred, Atlantis sank beneath the sea forever. It was worth it.

Vixen · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 5:37 am Post subject:

Well Expired, nobody gives an ef about respect because your a coniving little twerp.

Putting a joke in just to make your post totally not spam and an abomination to our lord doesn't make it right.

Plain in simple; don't like it, GET THE FK OUT!'

And BTW - it wasn't Cancer that killed Gump's mother - it was CHUCK NORRIS.

OSA · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 6:39 am Post subject:

After a long debate the president decided to drop the A-bomb on Hyrushima as an alternative to Chuck Norris. Reason being, the A-bomb seemed more humain.

Chuck Norris once took a huge crap. He called it, Mr. T.

Chuck Norris isn't gay, he just ran out of wemon.

Chuck Norris went back in time to impregnate his own mother, because only Chuck Norris can be Chuck Norris's father.

When Chuck Norris was 12, he slept with a bus full of nuns. 9 months later, they gave birth to the Harlem Globe Trotter's.

Chronotrigger · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 8:59 am Post subject:

ba chuck my ass bruce lee powns him with a finger:)

R-Freedom · Joined: 17 Dec 2005 Posts: 767 0.00 Silvarrr

breakbeatz2 · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 9:09 am Post subject:

Chuck Norris has no bone marrow. Instead, the material is a compound of granite, fiberglass and Rock 'n' Rol

breakbeatz2 · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 9:10 am Post subject:

The French don't have a word for Chuck Norris. They wanted one, but he didn't let them.

ExPiReD · Posted: Wed Mar 08, 2006 9:46 am Post subject: